Unfortunately, I should have paid more attention in eight grade English class. After this week’s barre class, I may have had a bright future as a writer for Saturday Night Live. A skit on “Barre Virgins” played in my mind as I attempted this muscle perfecting workout. I of course would be the misfit star fumbling awkwardly through class with Kelly Ripa as the guest star teacher.

Sentences with the word ‘bar’ in it typically yield a Pavlovian type response to fun and friends in my psyche. But alas, this ‘bar’ and its alternate spelling “Barre” prototype are polar opposites.

There are several variations of Barre classes but it is basically a microsculpting workout that incorporates a ballet bar, small weights and methods of dance conditioning. And let me tell you, my appreciation for dancers has grown. No longer will I curse the perfect figures of Dancing with the Stars coach partners while downing a bag of Cheetos. You earned it girls, flaunt it!

In lay terms, a bar class will have you stand on your toes, in a squat, while squeezing a dodge ball between your legs. Pictures of myself exercising myself in a bikini could have been dancing in my head. Unfortunately, I was focused on preventing a small catastrophe. Visions of a rubber ball shooting out from between my legs across the room while I was squeezing, rocked my anxiety ridden soul. But it did have me reduced to giggles between gasps of pain. Fortunately, I made it through with my ego relatively unscathed.

A few moves had me convinced that save for my lack of natural enhancements (aka boobies), I might have extra earning potential at the Night Move’s haunt down the road. And heck, I may actually be able to go bare in my own home after a few of these Barre classes. But in all seriousness, was a great class and a fantastic workout!

Why do it?
It will kick your a$$. My boody stood out like a Kardashian mountain of wonder among the seasoned flat bottomed devotees. But at least I burned enough to treat myself to a skinny margarita at the real bar.

Pain Scale
It is hard. I would rather run a half marathon, do an Insanity tape or give birth to a child.

Tips
Start with 2 lb weights. You (and your muscles) will thank me later.

Where?
Local gyms, pilates or yoga studios. The local eStudio Hot yoga studio offered the class for $10. I also purchased a deeply discounted punch card on Groupon.